For the witch who no longer has the bandwidth, the patience, or the spiritual obligation to fix anyone’s generational nonsense.



This shirt is for the holiday realist — the one who’s done being the emotional shock absorber for everyone else’s dysfunction. Featuring Krampus gleefully hauling away the “problem children” of the family tree while a bored witch sips her wine, this design quietly whispers:

“I outsourced your karma this year.”



Perfect for anyone who’s tired of doing the emotional labor at Christmas, done apologizing for things she didn’t do, and deeply committed to minding her own sacred business.



Wear it proudly to remind everyone that:

• you no longer participate in unpaid shadow work

• you’re unavailable for toxic traditions

• and consequences are coming — with hooves

Ideal for surviving holiday gatherings with humor, boundaries, and a glass of something strong.



Shirt Details

• 100% airlume combed ring-spun cotton

• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester

• Athletic Heather and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester

• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz./yd.² (142.4 g/m²)

• 32 singles

• Regular fit

• Side-seamed construction

• Crew neck

• Cover-stitched collar

• 2″ (5 cm) ribbed cuffs

• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Honduras, or the US



Bella + Canvas 3501 — Unisex Long Sleeve Tee Size Guide:

• XS: 27″ length / 16.5″ width / 25″ sleeve

• S: 28″ length / 18″ width / 25⅝″ sleeve

• M: 29″ length / 20″ width / 26¼″ sleeve

• L: 30″ length / 22″ width / 26⅞″ sleeve

• XL: 31″ length / 24″ width / 27½″ sleeve

• 2XL: 32″ length / 26″ width / 28⅛″ sleeve



This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction — thank you for choosing aligned, intentional commerce.